Time to hurt some feelings – Portland Man by Ukulele Guy

I'd like to consider myself as a fairly nice guy.  I mean, I'm not a totally sociopath at least.  I honestly want other people to be happy and whatnot.  But, all that said, I can definitely tell you that as I age (poorly) I find that I have less and less tolerance for douchebaggery.  Odd... for some reason my spellcheck is telling me that douchebaggery isn't a word.  Clearly this thing is faulty.

Anyway, despite all of my best intentions.  I often find myself writing "mean" songs.  Some of the oldest Volumen songs (and nearly all the PWT songs) are mean to some person or other.  I guess I just can't help being an asshole.  But, on the opposite side of it.  It never hurts to take yourself less seriously, right?  I mean, I'm more than willing to have it thrown right back in my face.

So, why all the setup?  Well, being a "weirdo" into "weird music" I have lots of "weird" friends (surprisingly enough).  Well, I love all of those weirdos and the weirdos that they introduce me into in other town. But, in my journeys and tours (especially in Seattle and Portland) I've noticed a particular kind of (slightly disingenuous) weirdo.  So, I attempted to document this character in song.  I probably should have written another verse or two, but you know how I roll.  I'd rather just blast a song out and then never look back.  So, let's blast away, shall we?

If you feel like playing along.  Here's the tabs.  NOTE:  In my head the parentheses are a call and response type of thing.  So, I'm hoping my brother will sing those parts for me if we manage to play this live ever.


Portland Man by Ukulele Guy

He got tight pants (high waters)
white belt (doesn't matter)
He got a squiggly design on his v-neck shirt
C                         D7
5 o'clock shadow and his feelings are hurt

He's got principles (I believe him)
He heard about your favorite band before you did
C D7
you read it in mojo (he already knew it)

twirly C             A
He's a..... Portland man
twirly C   F G
Portland man
He's a..... Portland man

twirly C D7
He's got lady friends (ad infinitim)
longboards (oh, he'll ride 'em)
he knows a little place that has the best soy latte
C                          D7
he's got perfect hair, and glitter on his body

He rocks facial hair (with irony)
he digs mp3 piracy
his cigarette brand? (american spirits)
you like his messenger bag? don't get near it


He's a...
C                                  E7
adorable hipster, but he's gaining weight
F                           G
because that pabst blue ribbon tastes so great

Video: Dead Puppies on a 6-String Uke

Well, if you ever wanted to know what Dead Puppies sounded like when it was being performed by a traveling minstrel on a lute.  I can help you out.  Well, I don't actually have a lute, but I assume it sounds much like my 6-string ukulele.

What's that?  You don't know what Dead Puppies is?  Holy crap.  Didn't you listen to the Dr. Demento show on the radio, growing up?  What's that?  You don't know what the radio is?  Freaking kids today and your fancy interwebs and whatnot.

Here's a live version of Ogden Edsl rocking Dead Puppies.  I dunno about you guys, but I totally want to hang with these dudes.  Maybe it's the beard talking.

And here is my bathroom version of Dead Puppies.

This song is just one of those touchstones for me.  I can't explain in.  In fact, my brothers and I are working on a ridiculous requirements for our funerals.  For example, the other brothers have to have Coolio hair, or everyone at the funeral must listen to 3 hours of my old 4-track recordings.... etc.  Well, I'm pretty sure Dead Puppies is going to need to be played at my funeral and my ghost will ensure that everyone is singing along.

Video: 6-String Ukulele Sound Comparisons

So, the night before I went on a little mini-vacation to Wisconsin, I got my 6-string Aquila string set in the mail.  So, I strung up my new OU-26T 6-String Tenor Ukulele so I could show you guys how it sounds with the proper strings on there.  I think you'll agree that the sound differences between my 6-string tenor uke and my low-G tenor uke are pretty dang dramatic!

If I don't seem as perky in this video, it's because my wife and two boys had been gone for over a week at this point.  So, if you have kids, then you know how that goes.  It's like 2-3 days of late nights, beer, bad movies and video games and then the rest of the days are spent moping around the house.  I honestly missed the sound of the boys screaming at each other.  Heh.

Also, I'd thank you to not look up my shorts during the whole video.

Video: Brian Eno’s Needles in the Camel’s Eye on 6-string Uke

So, I was so freaking excited after getting my new Oscar Schmidt OU-26T Tenor 6-String ukulele that I was pretty much making up reasons for putting it in a video.  Case in point, last Friday night I went to a get-together at my brother's house.  Beers and ribs were enjoyed by all and then I made my way on home with no definite plans.  Hrm.  What to do?  How bouts a hop on my old friend and enemy, Facebook.  Next thing I knew, it was 4:30am.  You see, here's the thing.  Colin, my brother, does this thing on Facebook that he calls CTV.  Basically, he drinks beer and posts Youtube videos and pretends that a) he's a DJ (which, in reality, he is) and b) that we are listening (well, sometimes we are).  Well, on Friday me posted something like "CTV is about to start!".  So, I thought it would be hilarious if I suddenly "invented" something called STV and if I pretended that I didn't know what CTV was.  Thus began a mighty Youtube DJ Battle on Facebook and my sobriety was the main casualty.

So, anyway, during the back and forth video attacks between CTV and STV, Colin's CTV posted this video.


Wherein I responded and said that I liked that song when it was called Needles in the Camel's Eye.


I considered that my checkmate.

So, why am I going on and on about this?  Hmm... good question.  Oh yeah, I remember.  You see when I picked up my new 6-string ukulele and heard those octave A strings (slightly out of tune) it popped Needles in the Camel's Eye right into my brain.  That's all the excuse I needed to make a uke video for it.  And, here it is.

This song is real easy to learn, it only has 4 chords.  Here's a quick tab for it.

Needles in the Camel's Eye - Brian Eno

E         A
Those who know
E                 A
They don't let it show
E                  B
They just give you one long life
D          A
And you go, oh oh, oh oh

Goes to show
How winds blow
The weather's fine
And I feel so so-so, so

Birds of prey
With too much to say
Oh what could be my destiny
Another rainy day

Why ask why?
For by the by and by
All mysteries are just more
Needles in the camel's eye

Those who know
They don't let it show
They just give you one long life
And you go, oh oh, oh oh

Why ask why?
For by the by and by
All mysteries are just more
Needles in the camel's eye

New Site Section “Ukuleles by Type”

So, I had an e-mail this morning from a person looking for an 8-string Tenor Ukulele. They weren't having an easy time searching my site for such a uke. Well, I could see why. I pretty much just list Ukuleles by Brand. That is... I did. Until today!

So, now if you are looking to buy (or maybe just look at some pretty pictures of) different types and sizes of Ukuleles, then check out these new sections on the site.

Let me know if you think I'm missing a section.  I actually created a section for Tiple Ukuleles as well, but there was only one listed, so I didn't add that to the my Navigation on the side.  So, if you are looking for a new Ukulele, hopefully this makes your quest even easier.